sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
