Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
