There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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