he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize