tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize