: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
