just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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