Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
