i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
