i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
