you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
