Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
