hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
