Grow some girl-balls and come out already
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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