Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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