I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
