i can't believe i had my finger in that
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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