dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
