I miss vodka workout Fridays
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
