i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
