she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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