There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just invented taco cereal.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize