Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
