Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
