when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
