You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Please don't give away my fajitas
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