Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
