sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
