i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
