We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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