Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
