he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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