i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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