he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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