Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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