yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
