Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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