I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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