If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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