return my video game
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
