Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
