ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
