i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
