Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
