@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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