Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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