ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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