dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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