Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
