Will you blow on my dice?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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