So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
