Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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