good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
