I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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