guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
