Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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