oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
