Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
