Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
