I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
