Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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