I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
