I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
