her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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