I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
