No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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