So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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