eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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