everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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