Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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