either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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