I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
