I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm really busy with my period
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