I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
