I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
