i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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