Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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