He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
