So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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