Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
