My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
