I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
