An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
